Not everyone who appears disorganized experiences mess-related stress. If you live amidst piles but are perfectly happy in your environment, able to find whatever you need at a moment’s notice, get things done efficiently and on time, and know that your clients, co-workers and/or family are as comfortable with your space as you are, then your disorder is likely not causing stress. If that’s the case, I say leave well enough alone—if your system ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

However, if the above described piles are yours but the peace of mind isn’t, this article is for you. If you’re constantly searching for lost papers and items, berating yourself for losing things and wasting time (and often money), printing out multiple copies of reports because you can’t find the one you were working on, pushing deadlines, missing meetings, running late, making excuses, embarrassed to have co-workers or clients in your office or guests in your home, and being criticized by others, and most of all yourself, for being disorganized, then you have mess-related stress. The excellent news is that even if you’ve tried many times before to get organized, it IS possible to change your patterns so that your space supports and inspires you instead of sabotaging and draining you.

Let’s start with a quick exercise. Fill in the following sentences:

I can never find:

I wish I could easily in my home/office:

If I could pick one part of my office/home to be magically organized right away, it would be:

One thing that I think would really make a difference is:

The main reason I can’t get or stay organized is:

If my whole home/office were organized I would be able to:

The answers to the above questions will give you a framework for understanding your Organizing Profile, which includes your current situation, the choices that got you there, what gets in the way of shifting your habits, what your ideal space would look and feel like, and the first steps you can take to create a system that truly works for you. The most important place to begin is with your attitude toward organizing, and the inner shift that usually needs to take place before lasting change can come.

Take a look at your reason for not being able to get or stay organized. This lies at the heart of why things are the way they are. This is true not only on a superficial level, such as not having enough time to put things away, but on a deeper level as well. By examining the obstacles that show up, and then by looking at what lies beneath the patterns, you can see how your own choices determine your reality. If your answer was, “I don’t have the time,” then it could very well be that your days are full and you don’t have any time available to dedicate to organizing or maintaining your systems. However, the next question you might ask yourself is, “Why?” What are your priorities? What are you choosing to do instead of organizing?

Whether your answer is “making money” or “just trying to get everything done by the end of the day,” I believe that there is tremendous power in acknowledging that a choice has been activated—and that it is your responsibility to consider how that choice is serving you. If you are in a place where you simply must spend every available moment taking care of your family or working with clients, that’s fine. Then consciously choose to spend your time that way and release the panicked and angry energy you waste over your disorganization. As long as your priority is to spend those hours engaged with others or working, do not spend any of that time being upset about the disorganization. If things slow down or if your priorities change, revisit the situation and see whether you’re ready for a new choice.

If you see, on the other hand, that you have some pockets of free time in your schedule, or time that’s being spent on something less important to you than getting organized, then you can choose to organize your life. This is often another call for an internal shift, because it’s only your choice when it’s done freely, not because someone else wants you to do it (or makes you feel terrible for not doing it), and when it’s something you are welcoming into your life from a place of joy, rather than a place of shame and anger.

Let me explain why this is important. When you try to change something because you believe there is something bad or wrong with you and the way you do things, there’s a part of you that’s going to fight your decision the whole way. This is the part that’s creating the chaos in the first place, and you better believe it’s got a strong hold on you. It’s created the chaos for a reason, and it thinks it’s helping you. Whether it’s to prevent you from succeeding because you’re afraid of success, or wants to distract you from other things that may be bothering you in your life, it has created these behaviors as a way to protect you.

The behaviors, however, may no longer be serving you. If you’ve decided in your heart that you want something different, it’s important to make the shift peacefully and gratefully. If instead of trying to rid yourself of the “disorganized part of you” you accept it without anger or shame, if you thank it for serving a purpose, whether or not you know what that purpose was, then you have taken the most pivotal step towards lasting change in your life.

Have you ever been in a heated argument when suddenly one person says, “Yes, I see where you’re coming from, that makes sense”? The argument usually comes to an abrupt halt. The second person is usually surprised, and then quickly calms down and often realizes the validity of the first person’s point as well. They can then work towards an understanding and take action that makes sense for everyone. It’s the same when you’re fighting with yourself—one half of you just has to realize it and offer acceptance.

Once you’re at peace within yourself, you can embrace new possibilities from a place of joy. The new changes will be about enhancing your life rather than about forcing you to “fix” your “bad habits.” They will be about enabling your creativity and talent to shine rather than about forcing you to restrain or stifle yourself. When you welcome this new way of being into your life, the next steps to organizing seem almost effortless—clearing away paper and setting up systems are now devoid of the negative associations you used to have with them, and your work, time and energy begin to flow in a way you never dreamed possible.

Jennifer Zwiebel is an Intuitive Organizer and the founder of The Kosher Hostess. She is dedicated to finding ways to make people's lives easier, more fun, and more fulfilling. Learn more about living the life you want to live at www.jenniferzwiebel.com, and give the kids you know a head start on organizing with Jennifer's book, The Organized Student.